Posts Tagged ‘Rants’

Fearless music!

Why are people so timid about music? I mean, people generally pick a genre that they like and then never explore anything outside of it, and that’s really sad.

But what is even more sad is when you find a great, but out there kind of band, and no one will listen to it because fast and furious rock opera music based off a 1980s video game is not there thing. (The Protomen are actually excellent, by the way)

For instance, I have recently been introduced to something called “chiptunes”. There remixers take 8 bit sound effects and work them into electronic dance music sounds. Although a lot of it is just noise, some of it it really excellent and worth listening too. I mean, at least there is some sense of creativity involved, right?

People like to throw around words like, “hipster”, and “arrogant”, and “music snob”, when they talk to me, but really, I just love music that is musically good and lyrically creative. I don’t want to hear any more dongs about one night stand and drinking lots of booze and that one perfect person that made your life complete.

I get scoffed at for my great love of owl city, but if you can get past the girly voice, his lyrics are interesting. They’re clever. He weaves worn metaphors and sayings into something fresh and new. His music sometimes follows the basic C-G-Am-F progression, but sometimes he throws you for a loop, and its great.

Or Andrew Bird! I mean, the guy doesn’t even have a genre because he’s so unique. And his lyrics sound like nonsense, until you listen to them over and over and over and realize that he is actually addressing deep and worrisome issues that people are faced with everyday.

I’m sure that most mainstream musicians love what they do and sing what they mean… but it’s lame. And it’s dumb. And…..it’s dumb. And it’s lame.

So, go listen to something new. Try a rock opera, or chiptunes. Look up OverClocked Remix, and then turn on some 80s alternative rock. Maybe some whispered indie folk pop like Iron & Wine, Noah & the whale, or Sea Wolf? Oh, and Andrew Bird. Lots of Andrew Bird.

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Life

I should be studying. I should always be studying. But I’m writing out thoughts while enjoying this lovely spring weather.

I’m at a weird point in my life. I recently found that my numerous joint troubles and other vague somatic complaints can be summed up in a single syndrome: Hypermobility Joint Syndrome. Basically, the connective tissue necessary to hold my joint in their sockets is almost non-existent and weak, and my muscles are then being joint holder-inners and muscles, so when they wear out… my joint dislocate. In addition to weak joints, people with HJS are always cold, always clumsy, and are at risk for a whole slew of scary things like chronic pain, early-onset arthritis, and mitral valve prolapse.

I’m not allowed to run anymore, which has unfortunately killed my dreams of racing Usain Bolt someday, and becoming the ultramarathon queen of America. Darn. But I can weight train to make my joints stronger, and then maybe I’ll be able to survive without handfuls of pain pills or a wheel chair.

I realize that there are significantly worse things that could happen to me, but it still sucks to know that at 20 years old, I have limitations that will never, never, ever go away. And I have to work harder than the average person to reach a level of functioning of an average person.

All right. I’m done feeling sorry for myself in that regards. At least it’s not cancer, yeah?

Recently, I reached the six month point of a terrible breakup, and it’s got me pretty down. I acknowledged that fact by reading a bunch of old letters, and it was heart-rending and I regretted it. I am daily haunted by by the guilt of how I dragged the break-up out by never giving him a straight answer. I just hope that the poor way I handled things never turns him off to the idea of love, because someday, someone will cherish him.

But as for me, I don’t attract men. Only women. And the occasional autistic man (he asked me out on a date. I said no. It was awkward), and everytime I think that maybe I’m liking the idea of dating again, I am held back by the thought that I may break someone’ heart again. My own sadness and disappointment and hurt I can handle… when I cause someone else’s, I just.. I just can’t. And since my future hopefully holds a several trips with Doctor’s Without Borders, I don’t think any kind of relationship would be a good idea. It would involve being away for nine months at a time with no leave, and I can’t bear to make someone wait for me again.

Sometimes I hate my ex. I was not touchy and pleased to be that way, and he changed that. Now I find myself craving physical touch, and there is no where or one I can go to for it. I think that the Song of Solomon had it right when it said, “Do not arouse or awake love until it so desires”, because the lack of it in my life has left an achingly vacant hole that keeps me up at night. Granted, I don’t regret any of the time I spent with him. Our relationship was a beautiful, lovely thing that I look back on fondly, but I wish that my physical desires had been kept under wraps in order to spare me this awful need now…

I sure hope God knew what He was doing with that scenario, and I certainly hope He is making it better for Jonathan too.